Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize