Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
