Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
thus making me awesome and them whores
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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