meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
