i jhust puked up my retainher.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize