I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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