i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
