plz talk dirty to me
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
