Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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