babies were throwing up all over the place
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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