i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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