i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
