Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
