You just made me feel so damn special
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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