I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
