sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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