I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
