Kareoke will never be a sober sport
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
