it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
