can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
