smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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