i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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