It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize