I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You're like the curious george of whores
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
