Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
