hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
