They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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