and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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