I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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