i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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