My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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