This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
