I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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