TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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