I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize