capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
