Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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