Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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