So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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