actually, I'm a sock model
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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