Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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