This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
