Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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