Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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