im about as happy as oj after his trial
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
