Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
