It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
