I want to have your abortion
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
