He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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