It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
