it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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