***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
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