We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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