Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
oh god the rape fog is back!
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
