What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Found your dick twin last night
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
