I've blown a few things in my day
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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