I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
