I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
