The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
