Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
