Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
