Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
