Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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