How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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